Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Honeymoon is Over

Boy that didn't take long did it?  The first day of school went great.  The second day of school went great.  It was the getting to school and being home after school part that sucked.  Big time.  My sweet David has such struggles with new environments, the unfamiliar, and things that are outside of his comfort zone.  It breaks my heart that he gets so upset about things, and it's a very frustrating process.  It's so difficult not to get angry at him in the heat of the moment.  And trust me, it's not all "diagnosis" related - plenty of it is a 7 year old boy testing his limits.  But how do you know what is part of a diagnosis and what is just sass?

There have been many, many times when I have questioned to myself what we could have done differently, why we didn't seek out this particular diagnosis earlier, why it took us nearly 5 years to get him diagnosed appropriately. . . I could go on and on.  Obviously I know this type of thinking is not productive and I do - when we're not in the midst of a meltdown - feel very confident that Chris and I have done everything we can to get David various therapies, follow up and do the work/therapies/exercises/treatments at home, researched everything we can do to help David, worked with his schools, seen specialists, gotten second (and third) opinions, put him on waiting lists that are a year long for treatments he may not need when he's able to go for his appointment, read books (and more books), taken him to a homeopathic doctor, modified our parenting styles, changed our rewards/punishments . . . I truly can say I don't know what other, additional things we could be doing for him.  However, there are still days that are the darkest that I question whether I am the best mother for him.  I'm quite able to convince myself that there is someone more patient, more loving, more. . . something.  Today was one of those days.  I am hopeful that as school goes on and he gets used to his new school and makes new friends (and, by the way, he loves his school and his teacher!) things will get easier and he will be less stressed and more able to relax.

. . . Or his mama may need a martini before work and I don't want to get a DUI at 7:00 in the morning, thankyouverymuch. . . 


Melanie said...

Hey Kim, I left Jenna's school today asking if anyone wanted to grab a "drink" and not a "coffee." And I'm dealing with the most well-adjusted kid on earth! So give yourself the okay to have a rough day (or ANOTHER rough day) and remind yourself that you and Chris are just what God intended for David. And David is just who God intended for you and Chris. Love you!

Rachel said...

You know Jakeb is my borderline kid and surprisingly he is usually the one that adjusts the easiest. His brothers who don't have nearly the quirkiness he does have surprised me by being the ones having the most difficult time with school. So you really just never know, but in the end they adapt are just fine. Hang in there you are great and being so proactive for him, it's wonderful! I beat myself up about various parenting issues daily par for the course...bleh!

amy said...

Melanie and Rachel couldn't have said it any better!!

YOU are fabulous Kim.