Monday, July 30, 2007

Monday Monday

Nothing much new going on with the Simpsons. We went to my in-law's house over the weekend for a birthday party for Chris' uncle. He was in a very serious car accident in November, was hospitalized for many months, and wasn't really expected to live. It was his 59th birthday, and he looks great. He's got a lot of physical therapy, etc. still to go, but it was nice to see him doing so well. David and Henry, of course, had lots of fun running around on the farm.

Sunday we didn't do much. Played outside for most of the day, did some yard work, and cooked on the grill. It was a nice day for being outside. Unlike what we're supposed to get for the rest of the week -- a heat wave! I think we'll be at the pool a lot!

Today Henry had a dentist appointment to follow up on his teeth just to make sure he had no injuries to them when he fell a couple of weeks ago. Everything on his x-ray was great, and there's no damage. I love his dentist! They do such a great job with the kids.

I have to run -- I have a bagel cooking and CSI Miami is on! We're going to swim tomorrow, and I'll post some pictures!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


If your play area is closed "because it failed inspection", or closed for any reason, please post a huge sign which is easily able to be read from the street. I wouldn't have stopped, unloaded my two children, toted them inside (along with my two friends and their combined four children who are 3, 2, 1, and 2 weeks), and told them all we were going to eat and play on the playground if the playground is closed!!!!! At least put a sign on the door to the playground -- don't just tie it shut at the bottom with a torn piece of a trash bag and throw a random brown t-shirt over the gate. That, to me, doesn't signify anything is closed. It's trash. The playground is why we come to McDonald's. (OK, that and the Diet Coke.) Seriously -- do you think it's for the food?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


From the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
Pronunciation: 'hwI, 'wI
Function: adverb
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English hwy, instrumental case of hwæt what -- more at WHAT: for what cause, reason, or purpose

AKA: My least favorite word in the English language. Especially when spewed from the mouth of a three year old. All. Day. Long.

While I appreciate his curiosity, I wish he would take it elsewhere. Or that I could say to him, at 6:05 PM after hearing the word all day long, "I don't fucking know why!" and that would be an OK answer. (Don't worry folks, I won't say that. And sorry Grammy, I'm certain you don't appreciate that sort of language from me. Sometimes it's necessary. Please don't ask why.)


TO: David
CC: Henry
From: Your momma

MEMO: Attention children! Here's a heads up for you -- I AM THE MOTHER! I realize that you will test this theory at several points during your life, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. Please make a note that I like to be the boss. Get used to it. I will not argue WITH A THREE YEAR OLD. An example of said instance would be: If I say you can't have marshmallows for dinner, I'm not kidding. If I ask you to please not pee in a storage pail in the middle of the living room, please adhere to those directions. If I ask you politely not to feed the dog yogurt from your spoon then lick what's left yourself, please play along. Please disseminate this information to the younger children.

PS. I love you, even when you act wicked.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Drugs! We Need Drugs!

<------- This is a before photo of his booboos
So stitch removal part two. . . it was a flop. One big old semi-sedated flop. We got to the doctor's office this morning at 9, armed with the chloral hydrate prescription and a cup of "red juice" (sugar-free Hawaiian Punch - Henry's favorite, which I almost never let him drink). I checked him in, mixed the juice and nasty smelling chloral hydrate, and proceeded to fight with him for 30 minutes to drink it. He took one sip and said, "It taste YUCKY!" No fooling him. I got a straw and we blew bubbles in it, drank some, blew bubbles, etc. There was about an ounce of juice/med mix left, and the nurse told me to use the syringe to put it in his mouth. RIGHT! He spit it back out at me. Ever seen Hawaiian Punch? Good luck getting that out of our clothes. We went back to an exam room at about 9:30 and waited for him to get drowsy or fall asleep. And waited. And waited. And waited. At TEN THIRTY he was starting to get slightly drowsy. I think now perhaps he was just bored. We tried to take the stitches out, but it wasn't happening. I don't think the doctor felt confident enough to do it, which made me not want her to do it. Chris asked if we could do it at home. I, at that point, thought WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I didn't voice that though. The doctor was all for that. Big frigging surprise. Nobody there wanted to do it. She gave us the suture removal kit, told Chris how to do it, and sent us on our way. She did tell us that the stitches needed to come out today, and that if we weren't able to do it we should take him to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital to have them do it. We went home, and on the way I thought about us removing them ourselves. And I thought NO! I didn't want him to end up having a big bloody mess, and I really just didn't want to deal with it. It's extremely stressful to be there while he's being held down and someone is going at his face with scissors as he screams "Help me Mama! NO SCISSORS!"

We ended up taking him to Vanderbilt after lunch. If any of our children have stitches again, we'll just skip the steps in the middle and head directly there. I instantly felt better about the whole situation when we got there. They were totally confident that they could remove them without a problem. I told them how challenging it was because he was so upset, and I said I wanted him knocked out. The ER nurse explained to me that they could knock him out, but that it was and IV and that coming out of the anesthesia would not be fun. All of this for a 3 minute procedure. He recommended we use Versed, which is basically Valium. He was consciously sedated, pretty much acting very drunk and relaxed. I left the room while they did the stitches, and Chris stayed in with him. I got to the waiting room, sat down and opened a magazine and the nurse was telling me they were done. THANK GOD!!! His lip looks great, and I don't think he'll even have a scar in a few months.

I scarred something else today. . . my new car! We went to Chili's tonight and got take-out. I was backing out of the spot and Henry was crying. I was clearly distracted and not paying enough attention. I turned the wheel too soon and turned the front corner of the car into the cement speaker stand thingy. We checked it out when we got home and there's a large speaker stand shaped dent and lots of yellow paint on the bumper. Fantastic. I'm very irritated with myself. I know it's just a car, but I really don't want to spend $500 (our deductible) to fix it!!! Obviously we will be, and I guess we'll just chalk it up to some stupid tax!

Friday, July 20, 2007

New Year's Resolutions

One of my New Year's resolutions was to try not to complain so much. Right, it's July. Some people give up their resolutions part way through the year. I choose to start then! I have so much to be thankful for, I think I should list a few of them. To remind myself.

  1. Chris rocks. He works very hard at a job he probably would rather scrap for the beach somewhere. His dedication to his job allows me to stay home with our children, which is something we're both committed very strongly to. He loves me totally, and puts up with a lot more than many husbands probably would. I'm not always the easiest person to get along with (yes, this I admit) but he is thankfully not afraid of a challenge. His schedule sucks, but it also has it's benefits. He loves the whole Simpson clan for who we are, and he doesn't want us to change. I need to tell him more often how much I appreciate him and all he does for us.
  2. David and Henry are pretty cool too. They are definitely a challenge, and there is never a dull moment. However, they are amazing little boys. So different, but such similar little things. David is so smart, always curious, and incredibly witty. He's caring, protective of his brother, and very loving. Henry is my little firecracker. He's 100 miles an hour all day long, so silly, has a wicked sense of humor already, a great friend to his little buds, and has such a generous soul. He's sweet to everyone, and is already full of charm and charisma. At the end of the day, even when they're totally pushing the limits, to have them wrap their little arms around my neck and say, "I wub you Mama" makes it all worth it.
  3. My friends are the bomb. Far-away friends Stephanie and Michele are like my sisters. We always will be close in our hearts, even though we don't live close together geographically. They're the most supportive, caring, understanding, funny friends I could ask for, and I'm so lucky to have them. Julie, my closest friend in TN, is another who falls into that category. Both living far from home, both needing someone to fill a void, we clung to each other like people on a life raft! We have the same thoughts, enjoy the same things, sometimes feel like the same person. She understands me like we've been friends for 12 years, not 2. I love her family, and I know she loves mine. She keeps my secrets and I keep hers, even though I'm a terrible secret keeper! I have lots of other great friends too, both far and near, and they are certainly not forgotten. My friends have always been like family to me, and I am confident that they know how much I appreciate and love them.
  4. My parents and in-laws are fantastic. My parents uprooted their entire lives to move here. Over 50 years of living in the same place, careers, family, and friends. And they left it to come to a place where they knew nobody but me. (Again, reference the paragraph where I say I can be difficult to live with. . . they know this better than anyone!) It was probably a crap shoot, but I think it's worked out. I'm certain they don't know how appreciative I am that they moved here. And not just for the free babysitting. For the relationships they're developing with my children. For the impact they're having on their lives, and the memories they're creating. David and Henry love their Gigi and Grampy enormously and talk about them every day. That wouldn't happen if they lived over 1000 miles away, no matter how much we visited. I'm so grateful that they took a chance. And my in-laws have been wonderful to me from the day I met them. They've always treated me like a daughter, not a daughter-in-law. They are so great with David and Henry, and love them so much. They also did a great job with my husband!
  5. Our AC is working! Life in TN is H-O-T in July, and the air has been cranking. We didn't think it would make it through the summer, but it's surprised us. There's not a day that goes by that I don't enjoy the AC in our house!
  6. Diet Coke and Lean Cuisine gourmet mushroom pizzas and Santa Fe style rice and beans, McDonald's fruit and nut salad, Fruit2O, and Honey Bunches of Oats cereal. I'm pregnant. I can't say enough about my staple foods.
  7. I'm obsessed. I love me some celebrity gossip.
  8. My minivan. Sad, but true. I didn't realize how much I adored the thing until I had to give it up for a few days.
  9. Electricity. OK, random, I know. However, we had none last night, and it sucked. I had no AC, no fan, HI, no lights. Henry was scared, I was bored, and it wasn't fun. Electricity rules.
  10. My OB. I seriously go through withdrawal when I'm not pregnant and can't see her on a regular basis. She's awesome -- a great doctor as well as a funny girl. I get to see her tomorrow, and I can't wait. If only I didn't have to pay her for her friendship. . .

Stitch Witchery

Today was stitch removal, part one. The ER doctor told me to have my pediatrician remove Henry's stitches. I can see why -- it's impossible to do, and the ER didn't want us to come back! Lesson learned from this entire experience is that if a small child has a facial injury that needs any sort of procedure, head straight for the sedative. (Note, the sedative should be for the child, not necessarily for the parent.) Had Henry been sedated in the ER when the stitches were put in, I don't think he would have been so traumatized and scared of someone touching his face. He obviously remembers that it hurt at the ER, and he wants no part of that. So today we're at the ped's office for our appointment with the nurse practitioner, whom I love. She's amazing with the boys, very knowledgeable and professional, and just a really sweet person. She's also young, very smart, and I've always felt equally as confident in her abilities as a medical professional as I have the pediatrician. She came in and looked at his face, talked to us for a few minutes, and got a nurse to help hold him down. One wasn't enough -- we needed two more. The PNP was at his head on one side, I was holding his head from the other side, one nurse was holding his chest and arms, and two more nurses were each holding a leg. He still almost fell off the table. My boy is strong! We tried for probably 15 minutes, but she wasn't even able to get one stitch out. And he was bleeding. Even if we restrain his whole body, he just screams, yells, and cries, moving his mouth the whole time. The only part of his body we couldn't stop from moving was the part she needed to get the stitches out of! After some discussion we decided the best thing to do is for us to go back in the morning. We got a prescription for chloral hydrate, which is a sedative, so we'll knock him out and do it then. I really think that's the only way we'll be able to get the stitches out without making a mess of his face. So please cross your fingers that the sedative works. Quickly and thoroughly!!!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

T-R-O-U-B-L-E . . . .

. . . the new spellings for David and Henry.
  • Baby lotion. So much of it that I could smell it in the hallway. With their bedroom door closed.
  • Approximately 1/2 of a tube of Butt Paste. That I just opened tonight.
  • Sunscreen. Lots and lots of sunscreen.
  • Prescription diaper rash cream.
  • Torn up cotton balls.

No, not merely a list of things commonly found in a changing table. The list of things I found smeared on the walls, the changing table, the carpet, all over David and Henry's pajamas, bodies, and hair. Their freshly washed bodies and hair. This was in addition to all of the clothes emptied from their dresser and the two books I allowed in their room torn up and scattered about the room. At least the parts of the pages that David didn't EAT were scattered everywhere. Henry willingly took the credit for everything. I trust he didn't work alone.

I've heard many, many stories about the mischief my father caused as a young child. Both David and Henry Roy were named in part after their grampy. . . perhaps that was a mistake, as they seem to be following in his devious childhood ways. If they're like him as adults I'll be thrilled. However, if they continue to be as children it's going to be a long road!

They'll be entering boarding school at age 5. Until then, I'll be entering a mental facility. Inpatient only.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Poor Henry!

We had some excitement after lunch today when Henry fell and hit his lip on a bookshelf. He got a gash underneath his lip, about 1/2 an inch wide. We brought him to the ER, and he got three stitches. It was QUITE traumatic for both of us, as he was strapped to a board with three people holding him down for the procedure. There's no way it would have been done otherwise, because he fought so much even strapped down, but it was not a pretty sight. His eyes were about as wide as half dollars, and he kept screaming, "MAMA! HELP ME!" I was crying, he was crying -- it was a mess! He looks like he has a black grape in his lip, and he's got three little black whisker stitches hanging out. I asked him how his boo-boo was, and he said, "It real bad. Kiss it," and pointed to A SCRATCH ON HIS KNEE! Hello! I meant the freaking contusion on your face! It's not slowed him down at all though, and he's been as wild as ever since we got home from the hospital. I'm sure this won't be his last trip. . . I have photos of it, but don't want to get up to get the camera right now. LAZY!

David will start preschool two days a week in September. Today we were talking about lunch boxes and nap mats, and I was showing him some different ones he could choose from. I was, of course, pointing out the really cute lime green fabric lunch box with his name embroidered in bright blue on it, and he started screaming excitedly. Not for the embroidered one, however. For the freaking vinyl Cars lunch box. Are you kidding me? This is my worst nightmare come true. I realize this isn't about what I like, since it will be his lunch packed in it, but come on! He's only three -- I sincerely thought that I'd be able to select cute things for longer than three years. Although it will pain me to do so, and I do mean that literally, I will get him the Cars lunchbox. But I won't like it, and I refuse to buy a Cars backpack!!!! I guess I should be thankful the Cars lunch box is less expensive than the really cute embroidered one. . . it's the little things, people.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Welcome to the world!

I was lucky enough yesterday to be at the hospital with our good friends Darrell and Julie when they welcomed their second baby, a little girl, into the world! Her name is Lily June Carolina, and she's beautiful!! I brought David and Henry to meet her today, and we're all in love with her. She's so sweet, tiny, and beautiful. We can't wait to watch her grow up. Congratulations Darrell and Julie!

11 weeks pregnant

Busy stuff going on in there. . .

Week 11: The Budding Acrobat Takes on Yoga

Slightly more than two inches long now and weighing about a third of an ounce, your fetus is growing by leaps and bounds. And so is his or her head, which is equal in length to the rest of the body (don't worry — all fetuses are top-heavy).

Slightly more than two inches long now and weighing about a third of an ounce, your fetus is growing by leaps and bounds. And so is his or her head, which is equal in length to the rest of the body (don't worry — all fetuses are top-heavy). On the crown of that large head (and over the rest of the body), hair follicles are forming. Fingernail and toenail beds begin to develop this week and by next week, the nails themselves will start to grow (so don't forget to add a baby nail clipper to your to-buy list).

Your baby's body is straightening and his or her torso is lengthening (sounds like a yoga pose, doesn't it?). Other poses your baby can assume now: stretches, somersaults, and forward rolls. And while you can't tell this baby's gender by its cover yet, testes are developing if it's a boy and ovaries if it's a girl.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Sweet Success

Shhhh. . . Do you hear that? Hear what, you might ask? The SILENCE!!!! It's never sounded so sweet. David and Henry are both FINALLY taking naps in their beds!! Guess what the trick seems to be? We removed from the room virtually all other things for them to do! They had a horrible afternoon the other day, squirting almost an entire bottle of lotion all over the room, pulling the mattresses off, emptying the toybox, taking the train table apart and throwing the tracks everywhere, etc. That was the end of my rope, and Chris' as well. We put the train table, all of the trains, and their entire toy box full of toys in the garage. There are still toys in their room, locked in the closet with a doorknob cover. (For those who may think I'm cruel for taking away all of their toys, please note I said the toys in their bedroom. Trust me -- they've still got a playroom full of them. These are not children experiencing any sort of deprivation.) So today was the first day we were home for naps. We swam this morning, and came home to go to sleep. It took some coaxing and cajoling, but they did it! I let them chit chat and play for about 30 minutes, then went in. Henry was almost asleep on the floor and David was trying to play with him. I got them settled, then laid down with David (in a toddler bed the size of a crib) and sang to him for a minute, rubbed his face (don't ask -- always works) for a minute, and he was out. Henry was kicking the wall. . . I did the same with Henry, rubbing his face with his silky blanket, and it took less than 30 seconds. They've been out for three hours! I'm sure they'll wake up soon, but it's been so nice to have them napping again. They needed it! And so did I. . . I took myself a nice nap too!

I'm off to whip something up for dinner. . . UGH! I've seriously slacked off on my meal preparations for the last few weeks. I'm very tired in the afternoon, and don't feel like cooking. At. All. I feel like my family deserves to eat a better meal than waffles tonight though, so I'm going to give it a good try!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

4th of July

We've had a busy couple of days! Vanessa and Jarrod are in town from Vermont, and we've been spending time with them and my parents. David and Henry ask constantly, when we're not with them, about "Auntie Nessa and her buddy". Jarrod's great with the boys, playing tag with them, pushing them on the swings, chasing them, wrestling, swimming in the pool, playing baseball, catching fireflies, and playing in the sand. I have to say that surprised me, in a pleasant way.

We went to a barbecue at my parents' house for the 4th. Anyone who knows my dad knows the man loves an explosive. (Insert all of your jokes about him blowing himself up here.) We had a nice time with my parents, VJ and Jarrod, my parents' next door neighbors, and a couple of our friends and their children. We swam a TON. David has started swimming short distances with no swimmies on, and he's soooooo proud of himself. He was exhausted, and kept saying, "Just one more time!" He's doing so well. Henry's not quite at the same point yet, but I always need to remind myself he is one year younger. He does so well with his swimmies on, and they're both little fish. Henry fell asleep yesterday at about 6:00 and slept on my parents' bed through all of the fireworks and cannon explosions. And there were a lot! Tennesseans are serious about the 4th of July. There were people setting them off all throughout the neighborhood, and everyone was sitting in their driveways watching. The kids all did really well, especially considering how much playing they did and that they didn't go to bed until after 10. Henry spent the night at my parents' house and slept "in Gigi's bed!" He thinks my dad's bed is the couch!!!

Today we went to the boat with my parents, VJ, and Jarrod. They keep it at Center Hill Lake, which is a beautiful, enormous lake. We also had a jet ski today -- I think Chris has found a new love! He had a lot of fun on it, and I think he was a bit apprehensive to start. He loved it though. So did everyone else, and I will not be surprised if we have regular access to one soon. . . David and Henry called it "the tiny boat." Henry, the bad ass that he is, kept yelling "Faster, faster!" while he was on it. Not surprisingly, David wanted to go slower. They're still talking about it. Probably because Chris, David, Henry, and I all decided we'd go out on it together. We got about 30 feet and tipped over. Wonderful. David was crying because he was scared, Chris was trying to flip it back over, I was holding David and Henry, and Henry was hysterical because he couldn't ride "TINY BOAT!" I swam back with David and Henry (both obviously in life jackets) while Chris pushed the jet ski back in. It was pretty funny, once it was all over. And the boys keep talking about the tiny boat falling over. We all got a lot of sun, and are very, very tired.

Tomorrow David is back to speech. Chris goes back to work on Sunday night. Yuck! It's been so nice to have him home. He's been a huge help with the boys, especially since I've been really tired lately. We're going to go tomorrow to a park in Columbia, TN that has trains that you can ride on. They're small scale, but you ride on them nonetheless. David and Henry, who are train obsessed, will love it.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Naps. . . Again

I realize much of this blogs centers on the napping in my house. . . as does my life! The boys' naps are still an issue since introducing the "good boy bed," as Henry calls it. This photo was yesterday. Look closely -- it's not merely a repeat performance of the previous day's room trashing. Henry's sleeping on the freaking floor!!! I left him there, and he slept for almost three hours. HELLO HENRY! The bed's more comfortable. Just letting you know.

Sunday, July 1, 2007


Something about this is going desperately wrong.

Fireworks and Tricycles

Let me start this by saying that David is OBSESSED with riding his tricycle. He will ride it all day long, if I let him. He rides it in the morning, zipping out of the garage to go get the newspaper. He goes into the garage to ride around in circles. He wants to bring it to the grocery store to ride while we're there. He loves the thing. As soon as he wakes up in the morning he wants to put his shoes on and go ride. This was him at 6:45 this morning, in the driveway riding his tricycle in his pajamas.

Henry has moved into his big boy bed. He calls it his "good boy bed". Good boy was debatable when he first slept in it for his nap on Friday afternoon. . . he and David were WILD for the two hours they were in their room. They pulled half the clothes out of the dresser, most of the books from the bookshelf, there were diapers and toys everywhere, mattresses off the beds -- it was a disaster! That night, since nobody napped, they were exhausted and went right to sleep. However, Henry got up at 5:30 yesterday morning. It will take him a while to get used to it, I'm sure, but he's doing well. He slept this morning until after 7:30.

We went to the Smyrna fireworks last night with our friends Julie & Darrell and their little boy JT and Nicole and Joe and their little boy Matthew. We got there at 5:30, had a big picnic, and the fireworks started at around 9. There were lots of activities for the kids to do, but we mostly just played where we had our blanket and chairs set up. We went to the playground for a little while, checked out the fire trucks, and climbed all over a Black Hawk helicopter. The boys loved that. They were also pretty content to just swing from the trees, play in the ditch, and wave their flags around each other's faces. They LOVED when the helicopter took off, and they kept referring to it as "Harold" from the Thomas books and movies. We had a really nice time, and I was very pleasantly surprised at how well the boys all behaved being up so late. David and Henry really enjoyed the fireworks, and it was the first time they've seen them and actually been old enough to know what's going on. Henry kept saying, "WOW! Das a BIG one!" each time he saw one. It was cute.
Here's a link to some pictures of Henry sleeping on the couch, the boys playing at the fireworks, and David trucking around on his tricycle.