Monday, November 26, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
David: Daddy, how to babies eat? How will baby Jack eat with no teeth?
Chris: Mommy will feed him special baby milk. (Right, like that was enough of an answer!)
David: From she's boobies?
David: Will you feed the baby from you boobies?
Chris: No, only girls can do that.
David: Will Gigi feed Jack from she's boobies?
Chris: NO! ONLY MOMMY WILL FEED HIM! NO OTHER BOOBIES! EVER! Let's go get some apple juice.
I was in D&H's bedroom yesterday morning getting night diapers off, underpants on, etc. I said, "Are you guys hungry this morning?" Henry replied, yanking his shirt up to his neck, "Yeah Mama. Are you? You want to eat from my boobies like a baby?" Um, no thanks.
David and Henry were yakking in the backseat yesterday and I hear David say, "Oh Damn! Oh brothers! Oh Damn! Oh Brothers!" I said, "What did you just say?" David said, "Oh Damn! Oh Brothers!" I said, "David, we don't say that. It doesn't sound nice." David said, "What? Brothers? I think brothers are nice." I said, "No David, Oh Damn doesn't sound nice." He said, "MAMA! I meant BEAVER DAMN!" Ok, seriously, how does a three year old think that quickly? You know DAMN well he didn't mean beaver damn!!!!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
- Our daily trips to Target. The viewers would love to see me wandering the aisles aimlessly, not buying anything, but just going to get out of the house. Me stuffing my two 40 pound a piece toddlers and my 7 months pregnant self into the available bathroom stall (never the "big one"), flushing the toilet an average of 9 times per visit, two of us peeing and one touching every surface in the stall, and Henry acting as a peeping Tom to every stall around us, then me frantically trying to slather D&H in antibacterial gel before they touch each other or their mouths.
- David and Henry's new favorite game -- naked boy. They both strip and chase each other around the house screaming NAKED BOY! Then some naked wrestling ensues when they finally catch each other. I thought I had like 18 years until that behavior would go on. And hopefully I wouldn't know about it.
- D&H and their obsessions with baginas. Or angina, as David calls it. They talk about them all day long, ask if every freaking person we know has one, and look for their own. Right. Keep looking.
- Dinner at our house. I'm pretty certain that the Real Housewives of OC wouldn't allow their children to eat ranch dressing with a spoon for dinner. Keep in mind that my dinner rule is I pick what's for dinner, you eat what you want off of your plate. If that's ranch dressing, fine. H. opted to ignore the lovely homemade chicken fingers, steamed broccoli, and corn on his plate in favor of the ranch. Yum.
- The laundry. Seriously, do the RHOOC send their laundry out to be cleaned? They never show them doing any.
- I'm sure the main focus of the show would be me going to the bathroom, since that's the main focus of our house. Gone are any days of privacy. I always have an audience. And I mean a CLOSE audience. As in, pretty much touching the bowl while I'm peeing. As in, "Mama, I DON'T WANT IT TO BE SMELLY IN HERE!" When do children learn about privacy and closing the door??
- I'm sure one highlight shown on the commercials would be from last night when we were leaving McDonald's. David and Henry decided they hadn't had quite enough fast food and opted to bolt across the small strip of grass to Sonic instead of getting in the car. As I darted after them and grabbed them I said, "Good Lord boys! Get in the damn car!" and David happily replied, "Yeah Henry, get in the damn car!" Hi, call child protective services now.
I'm positive we'd have high ratings. . . or maybe I should just stick to writing about our daily lives!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
I ran to the grocery store last week for a very quick trip. I was probably gone less than 20 minutes. When I got back, I brought a load of stuff in then ran back out to get the second trip, leaving the door from our kitchen to garage open as I went. I came back in, unloaded the stuff I bought, dropped a gallon of milk and started cleaning it up. Chris came into the kitchen from our computer room and said, "Where's Henry?" I told him I didn't know, and he said, "Wasn't he in here when you got home?" UM, NO! So he goes to the end of the house with the boys room and calls him, and I called him from the kitchen. I hear a tiny voice say, "I in here!" from our master bathroom. Immediately my stomach dropped. I walked quickly through our room, and Henry met me in our room. As he was coming out of the bathroom he said, "I washing with this soap." Right. It wasn't soap covering his belly, arms, and hair. It was an entire bottle of Oil of Olay face moisturizer, and a full tube of VAGISIL. Seriously child, what the hell? Chris came in and said, "What's on him? Diaper cream?" Well, sort of! I said no and Henry said, "What it is?!" I told Chris what it was and Henry said, "Soap for baginas?" So I cleaned him up and thought the incident would be a funny story. It got funnier. . . the next day Henry and I went to Home Depot to look for paint colors. He's sitting in the shopping cart and waving to the man who works at the paint counter. I was looking at paint and I heard Henry say, "I wash my hands bagina cream." To the freaking Home Depot guy. Are you kidding me? The man said, "What did he say?" and I quickly turned to leave while smiling and thanking him. And Henry was screaming, "I WASH MY HANDS BAGINA CREAM!"
We bought our paint at Lowe's.