Look no Further

So I read in the newspaper yesterday morning that the producers of the Bravo TV show "The Real Housewives of Orange County" (one of my favorite shows) are looking for Nashville area "Real Housewives" for a show. UM, HELLO! Did you not read the title of this blog?! Please, the Simpson house would make for great TV. Some of the highlights could be:

• Our daily trips to Target. The viewers would love to see me wandering the aisles aimlessly, not buying anything, but just going to get out of the house. Me stuffing my two 40 pound a piece toddlers and my 7 months pregnant self into the available bathroom stall (never the "big one"), flushing the toilet an average of 9 times per visit, two of us peeing and one touching every surface in the stall, and Henry acting as a peeping Tom to every stall around us, then me frantically trying to slather D&H in antibacterial gel before they touch each other or their mouths.
• David and Henry's new favorite game -- naked boy. They both strip and chase each other around the house screaming NAKED BOY! Then some naked wrestling ensues when they finally catch each other. I thought I had like 18 years until that behavior would go on. And hopefully I wouldn't know about it.
• D&H and their obsessions with baginas. Or angina, as David calls it. They talk about them all day long, ask if every freaking person we know has one, and look for their own. Right. Keep looking.
• Dinner at our house. I'm pretty certain that the Real Housewives of OC wouldn't allow their children to eat ranch dressing with a spoon for dinner. Keep in mind that my dinner rule is I pick what's for dinner, you eat what you want off of your plate. If that's ranch dressing, fine. H. opted to ignore the lovely homemade chicken fingers, steamed broccoli, and corn on his plate in favor of the ranch. Yum.
• The laundry. Seriously, do the RHOOC send their laundry out to be cleaned? They never show them doing any.
• I'm sure the main focus of the show would be me going to the bathroom, since that's the main focus of our house. Gone are any days of privacy. I always have an audience. And I mean a CLOSE audience. As in, pretty much touching the bowl while I'm peeing. As in, "Mama, I DON'T WANT IT TO BE SMELLY IN HERE!" When do children learn about privacy and closing the door??
• I'm sure one highlight shown on the commercials would be from last night when we were leaving McDonald's. David and Henry decided they hadn't had quite enough fast food and opted to bolt across the small strip of grass to Sonic instead of getting in the car. As I darted after them and grabbed them I said, "Good Lord boys! Get in the damn car!" and David happily replied, "Yeah Henry, get in the damn car!" Hi, call child protective services now.

I'm positive we'd have high ratings. . . or maybe I should just stick to writing about our daily lives!