Welcome to Wal-Mart

OK seriously, WTF? We're at Wally World Monday afternoon, and by "we" I mean my three children and me. Alone. At the *grocery* store. At 3 in the afternoon. On a day when nobody (including me) took a nap. Can you see where this is going? To my surprise, everyone was remarkably well behaved. I'm sure I looked like a raging-lunatic-stupid-ass-who-doesn't-know-when-to-stop-procreating as I tooled around the Mart with H in the shopping cart repeating Rain Man style, "I want drinking yogurt," J strapped to me, and D walking around shouting, "DO YOU SEE D FOR DAVID? IS THIS SQUASH? DOES THAT START WITH D?" We check out, and I corral the crew over by the *hair salon* (Seriously? In Wal-Mart? Does it count as a salon?) I'm putting assorted jackets on while answering a million questions about why the salon's "garage door" was closed. This creepy with a capital C man was sitting on the bench by the motorized scooters. Really, really creepy man with a Dumb and Dumber haircut looked at us and smiled a WIDE smile. With a mouth full of summ'r teeth. You know, summ'r here, summ'r gone. His? Mostly gone. He points to D and says, "He can sit here. With me." and pats the seat next to him on the bench affectionately. Um, the hell he can! I smiled politely showing off my mouth full of shiny pearly whites and said, "No thanks." He smiles again and says, "But I really want him to." OK, WTF you dirty ass pedophile? At that point I was not nice anymore. I just said, "I'm sure you do," and we walked away as D asked, "WHY did that man want to sit with me?" And H said, "And WHERE are his teeth??"

Gotta run -- J's waking up and D is getting coked up on Valentine's Day party candy.