Thursday, September 4, 2008


Dear David and Henry,

Let me start by saying that, even when you act wicked, I still love you.

Now let's talk about bedtime. Seriously guys, give it up. If you're not going to take a nap, you're going to bed early. Please stop fighting with me about it. Bedtime should be nice and relaxing for you. You'll grow to love it - trust me on that one. You don't need to fight with me. Or with each other. This really just prolongs the process and pisses me off.

And your incessant requests? You know the ones I'm talking about -- I need a drink, I need a bigger drink, I need my big honking drink in the orange cup, No not THAT orange cup, the one with no teeth marks, I need a snack, IWANTTOEATCINNAMONTOASTINMYBED!, I want the light on, I want the fan off, I need to go potty, I want you to come potty with me, Get out of the bathroom I want to be alone, Don't leave the room I want you near me, Help me back in my bed, Read me a story, Read me another story, No not that story, I need {insert obscure train name here -- you know, the one we lost 7 months ago} in my bed with me or I can NEVER sleep again, My sheet has crumbs, My covers are twisted, My covers are too hot, My covers are too cold, I don't like the color of this sheet, I want a silky pillowcase because this one is rough, This pillowcase feels wet, No it's not cold, I TOLD you it's wet. . . Get the picture? All of that business needs to stop. And so too does the constant, "But Mama, can I just tell you one more fing?" It doesn't count as one more thing if you ask 89347 more things.

And no, you may not watch Spongebob until you fall sleep dreaming of all of the things he says that I don't like.

Yes, I am serious when I say that if you don't stay in your room I will turn the doorknob around and lock you in. Try me.

Sweet dreams!


Rachel said...

LMAO! Classic! And I keep threatening the doorknob thing too...really ticks me off that I wake up almost everyday to my husband on the couch and a kid in the bed! Can come in if they can't get out!

candiceschenk said...

Too funny! Seriously, you need to do stand up!

Briana said...

Seriously, you should put a warning on these kinds of posts. Something like, "Caution, funny stuff ahead, do not consume beverages while reading, may cause damage to your laptop!" That would work!

I'm laughing so hard at "Big Honking Orange Cup!" How funny! (And they remind me of Logan and Quinn with all those requests. I've finally instituted a "1 time" rule.I will return to their rooms 1 time only! It can be for another hug, to tell me 1 thing, whatever, but I won't go back after that. It's actually working.

Julie said...

You know I am ALL for locking a kid up! JT's belly "hurts" when it is bed time. I tell him to go poop and go to bed!