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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

A note

Dear Sales Woman,

I saw you today at your post outside of the ghetto grocery store in town. You know the one -- it's conveniently built next to a large apartment complex full of questionable residents who have WIC checks and EBT food stamp debit cards burning a hole in their pockets. Remember them? Good strategic planning on the grocery store's part, but I digress.

This is not a note to the ghetto grocery chain. Oh no. It's a note to you, the woman selling. . . well, I'm not exactly sure what you were selling. It appeared to be some sort of child identification kit. To be honest, I didn't let you get far enough into your sales pitch to even find out what it was. I was a bit distracted by the lime green lizard beanie baby you had precariously perched upon your shoulder. Was this supposed to entice me to purchase your items? Or perhaps the t-shirt you thrust at me was supposed to be the deal clincher. Um, no thanks. I don't see you making much money at this gig to be honest with you. Maybe your opening line of, "Hey sweetheart!" with your sexy (?!) eye wink works with men, but did you truly think it would work with me? I'm a 31 year old mini-van driving mother . . . I don't really get swayed by a woman in a floral dress and 80's hair winking at me and calling me sweetheart. Does that normally work for you? Are you the top finger print kit seller in your division?

I understand that everyone has to make a living, but good God. If I tell you I'm not interested, please take me at my word. Don't follow me into the vestibule of the grocery store to try to convince me. I thought your damn stuffed lizard was going to fall off your shoulder and I would laugh out loud at you. I didn't want to embarrass you, I just wanted you to go away.

Will I see you at that grocery store again? I can't imagine that it was a good sales day for you. I suspect the majority of the residents in the neighboring apartment building don't really like to have their finger prints on file anyplace, if you catch my drift. However, the next time I see you there, and I'm sure I will, please remember me. I don't think it will be hard. Just a reminder -- I'm the crazy bitch who told you to please get your creepy lizard away from me so I could buy my milk.

XOXO,
The Real Housewife of Rutherford County.

4 comments:

Briana said...

Hilarious! I hate pushy sales people.

lisagh said...

HAAA!

"if you catch my drift" - classic!

Tiffany said...

Oh my goodness!! I got scammed into working for a group like this when I was right out of high school. I was told that 60% of profit went to charity. On my second day of work I realized it was all a scam to sell products and the money DOES NOT get to the charities. Plus fingerprinting can be done at police stations for free! The way they should be, not free with a side of "money hungry" nagging!! Your also taught to "lie, lie, lie" to the unsuspecting parents. Oh and how do companies like this stay in business? They move locations every six to nine months and constantly change their names. I got out of there quick! Now my family laughs about my stint with "Platinum Promotions". Very embarassing!! Hello i'm Tiffstar and I'm new to your blog, loving it so far!!

Julie said...

What on earth are you talking about? I call you sweetheart all of the time! :o)